A GUCC Guide To Survive The New Decade

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* “What’s that?” I hear you ask. Well my wee beans that is the sound of the new decade coming to take away your inglorious sins and offer each of you a fresh start. “A fresh start! Oh boy!” I hear you cry. As fresh and spicy as they come my sweet children, as this decade will bring with it many soulful swims that circulate the society like sumptuous secrets, and tantalising tales of oranges that taunt the trusting naïve. Watch as it washes away woeful evenings of sorrow when you wished one more pint had not entered your womb, knowing full well what the morning brought. See how humiliating memories such as the famous tale of David and Goliath, or in this reboot, Rita and alcohol poisoning are forgotten and replaced with even more excruciating stories such as the unnecessary battles of Cinnamon and the River Kelvin – Part 2? “Oh, what joy!” I hear you sing. This decade will bring with it so much joy. But it is at utmost importance to remember the last one if you wish to survive it. So, Grab yourself a pint, with your left hand. Mathew... your left hand... No not that Mathew! That Mathew! No not that one! That one! For goodness sake! Grab yourself a bucket, as its always best to come prepared for when someone decides to vomit next to your bed, or in your bed... or your shoe. Grab yourself a slice of pizza, as you’ll need your energy if you wish to face the Megalodon again or have something to chunder when the dirty pint hits. And finally, grab yourself as many GUCC members as you can for this next decade. Each one of them is a beautifully unique, and extraordinarily kind human being that will make any journey the best one of your life. This decade will be incredible for GUCC, because of GUCC. Love from your favourite Kayak, Raté My Skills